All the signs, none of the information

If you know me well, you know I’m part Pagan, part Christian, part something else. You know that I converse with the spirit world, that I put stock in signs, that I believe dreams can guide us, that they can give us information, literal or metaphorical and that I instinctively follow the flow of the energy around me. Why am I posting this? Because I need to process what’s been going on recently.

I’ve seen a lot of signs lately pointing me back to my creative pursuits. No big surprise there, when I’ve been ignoring them for a while, I always get a big ol’ cosmic kick. So I’ve been following it. I’ve also been getting a lot of signs that I need to go back to my innate spiritual side. And ok yeah I’m starting to listen to that one too. But the latest step on this journey has me a little perplexed. It all started with a dream last night.

In last night’s dream I was back on my island. My beautiful homeland with its coastline littered by bunkers from Nazi occupation, the orangey-pink sandy beach of Greve De Lecq and the smell of salt water mixing with vraic (seaweed) wafting in from all corners.  In the dream I dreamt that I went to see Az, my former (as in when I lived there) Reiki healer and the woman who was constantly trying to get me to open up in both the aforementioned areas where I have been getting the signs. She told me that she could see me being published, and the truth is I’ve been dawdling on that score lately. Yes I know, the Universe is determined to get me back on track. But it’s more than that.

In the dream last night, I dreamt that Az was selling her shop so she could concentrate on her therapies.  The shop appeared to be stressing her out and the selling of it would provide her with great release. I was certain of that in the dream.  Although the dream shop was nothing like the actual shop itself. It didn’t even have the same vibe. To explain, the shop has a purity and serenity to it, it instantly calms frayed nerves and when you walk out you feel so much better than you did previously. At one point it was my regular lunchtime haunt because I could see Az and just let go of the negative from work.  And with it being a minute away from my work place at the time, I could even go down during my half hour lunch when my hours were shortened. It was perfect (although I did spend far too much of my wages in there).

I woke, convinced that a) Az was selling up and b) I needed to contact her. With no way to actually contact her (we lost touch) and not being at home, the first thing I did was post on Facebook asking if the shop was still open. I was told it was and left it at that. But I received a private message from my darling ED who informed me that the shop indeed is being sold (to Az’s sister who will be keeping it as is). My inner alarm bells started ringing. Why have I been given this information? What am I supposed to do with it? I did a Google search and found an email address (which I hope is current) and emailed Az a short but rambly email, which I have no idea if she will reply to or not. But I was being pushed to make contact and so I have.

Then at the train station after work, I walked past a woman who looked exactly like my Uncle’s ex-wife’s mother. Down to the shade of lipstick and hideous hair colour that doesn’t work with her tone but the woman insists on dying it that colour and has done since I was three. It wasn’t her, but why would I be walking past a woman who looks like someone from my past at that exact moment, on this exact day after everything that has already happened? Now you’ll say it’s coincidence, but I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe that everything happens when it happens for a reason, even when it frustrates you to no end.

I just find it entirely overwhelming that all this is happening at the same time as I’ve started praying daily again, that it’s happening at the point where I’ve been discussing spiritual matters with AH and CW, when I’m engaging actively in things like the AT7 Smile Project and charity fundraising, and that it all seems to be combining in a big old swirly cosmic ‘I’m going to get your attention and you’re going to listen’ way.  Why I’m being pointed in this direction I don’t know, but I don’t feel like ignoring it this time round. This time I’m open and I’m listening, I just need to know what I’m supposed to be hearing.

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