I am sick of having to explain that I am neither male nor female. That I am Genderqueer/Genderfluid/Gender non-conforming/Trans* (Transgender is the umbrella under which non-traditional gender identities fall, as is Trans*, it doesn’t just refer to Transsexuals). I am sick of going round and round in circles with people because of the way language is formed and because people don’t like the pronouns I’ve chosen for myself because they ‘grate on the English language’.
I’m also sick of reading posts that encourage the gender separation. Particularly in fandom. There is all this talk about fanboys and fangirls… where do those of us on the fluid spectrum fit in? I go with fanboi, but then I’m stuck in the middle, an outside group and quite frankly it’s getting a little more than annoying. Language, all languages, revolve around gender binaries because that is the way they have evolved. In French (and I understand from a friend in German too), there is no gender neutral way of describing a person. In English the only ones we get are ‘They’ and ‘their’, but even then, those words aren’t exactly right half the time.
Being Trans* in any shape or form, you get used to having to tell people your preferred pronouns and having them use exactly the ones you don’t want them to use. You can spend your days telling people you look like their perception of one gender but you aren’t. You can tell them until you’re blue in the face that gender and sex are not the same thing and it gets tiring. You try and explain that your sexuality and your gender orientation are not the same thing, and you get looks of disbelief. I’m tired of having to beat the same drum day after day after day with different people because they don’t get it.
For once I would like someone to say to me ‘Oh, okay, so you’re Genderqueer, well just let me know which pronouns you want me to use’ and to not come up with the tens of millions of questions, like ‘how can you be a lesbian if you’re not female?’ (no this wasn’t pointed at a certain friend who asked this, I respect that said friend wanted to learn more and wasn’t trying to be judgemental). I will say it one last time, my sex is not the same as my gender and my sexuality is not the same thing as my gender orientation.
I love that the celebrities we all look up to in fandom call us ‘fans’. The word has no gender. It’s perfect. Fangirl/Fanboy/Fanboi/etc denoted differences that are gender stereotyped. Don’t you think those of us in all forms of fandom are stereotyped enough? Pretty much the same way humans stereotype each other daily. If you’re female you’re weaker, if you’re male you’re macho… etc etc etc.
I am done with the playing Mx. Nice Boi. Next time someone questions how I identify, I’m going to look them straight in the face and tell them, it’s my choice not theirs and they need to do some research. No more giving the easy answers.