Queer

Sometimes I despair at the world

In the past few days I have grown weary of humanity.  I have lost most of my faith in it and I’m finding it hard to find a reason why I should have faith in it.  Since Monday, there are things that have reached my ears that have made me want to turn off my internet connection, quit leaving my flat and become a hermit.  Quite frankly it’s looking like a completely viable option.

My fiancee’s colleague uttered a phrase that left me wanting to slap her, and my fiancee scared to be at the job she is in.  What was the phrase? “If my son is gay, I’ll beat the crap out of him.”  Admittedly that on its own is enough to make me doubt my faith in humanity, but then you add this little gem overheard on the way home tonight, “My mum told my sister if she brings the f*****t home again, she’ll cook him dinner.”  These words tear me to the core.  They bite at me and they stab like knives.  Is it any wonder that the Queer community has trouble coming out? Even when we’re in the supposed ‘liberal’ Western World we are attacked by these words.

In the news, Pussy Riot have been imprisoned for two years, the Moscow government has banned pride for one hundred years and the Russians are also suing Madonna for standing up for Gay rights.  Please explain to me how someone who expects to have fun being wined and dined at the UN thinks this is justifiable, because apparently Putin does.  The way it stands at the moment, Russia is governed by bigots and a Church that is so far beyond Orthodox it’s forgotten the teachings of the man it was based on.  Chances are this paragraph is enough to get me banned from ever entering Russia under their current rule, even if my sexual orientation isn’t.  It’s no wonder I’ve met Queer Russians who live in the UK and who plan to stay because they are scared to go home again.

I’ve mentioned this week, but I should also mention that in the past few weeks, I’ve been asked if I know of somewhere that can provide safe harbour for Queer people, I’ve seen anon comments on other sites where people have slammed into my friends because they are Queer, and I’ve also had a friend ask me what the point is of coming out when it only causes more damage than good.

Tonight, this blogger’s faith in humanity is nearly completely shot. And quite frankly it’s going to take a lot to get what faith is lost back.  No amount of indulging in my favourite shows or books is going to take the bitter taste out of my mouth.  So whilst I despair at the hatred in the world, I’m going to keep fighting.  I’ll make these posts that maybe reach a handful of people who are, I know, likely to be like minded individuals. I will sign the online petitions against the injustice in places like Russia.  And I’ll try to hold onto the goodness of my chosen family and the people I look up to. And no, regardless of the fact I’ve been publicly heckled and chastised online, I will not stop calling people on their homophobic, sexist, ablest or racist attitudes.

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